If there is one thing I have learned during my broadcasting, writing, even singing exploits, is not worry about getting things wrong.
It took me a while to get there.
Whenever I did get something wrong, it bugged me for ages.
When things went well, I would dine on it big time. That was my incentive to keep going.
Then, when things went pear shaped. I would see that as a knock back, something I would take personally.
I would say part of that was due to the dips in my mental health, anxiety, stress, and depression, which in the end provided me with a barrier in achieving my personal goals.
The last time that happened, I would say was during the writing of the final instalment of my Butlins Ayr Trilogy, “How do you get the Donkeys up the stairs?”
Even though I looked at my writing as a work in progress, I was mega chuffed and overwhelmed by the response.
One comment that kept cropping up during that time, was “I cannot wait for the next book.”
I then found myself under pressure, trying to deliver a fitting end to the series that satisfied those that enjoyed the previous books. I wanted to deliver for those people believed in me, I did not want to let them down. This resulted numerous changes in the publication date.
Thanks to the support of family and friends and a life changing diagnosis of the neurodiverse kind, I started to understand how my brain was wired.
And when you understand your thoughts, only then can you work out if you are venturing down the right path or not.
I was brought up on performing, concert parties, school shows choirs, amateur dramatics, dancing and of course, working at Butlins as a Redcoat.
Doing all those things have a common factor – ego.
I remember hearing on TV the line, ‘If you did not have an ego then you would not be in showbusiness.” I can understand that. In my case there has been a bit of ego, but more about confidence and belief. Something I was never short of.
Then I realised that when it comes to being creative, ego/belief was never enough, there was the need for personal satisfaction. Delivering the best possible product.
Then I started looking at the actual process. I soon realised that during my creative writing courses, it was all about building layers, what type of product you want to create?
I can take a while, but when you see that product come to light, and it is one that you are proud of it is such a great feeling.
And if you are proud of what you have created, there is always a chance other people will like it too. Not everyone will, but you cannot please everyone.
All writers have had negative feedback in their lives, and there will be loads of performers who have experienced plenty in their time.
Accepting any knock backs is part of the process, people’s opinions, including the negative one, as well as things not working out the way you want.
That is not failing, it is a learning experience. And if you take it on board, you will come back stronger.
I have learned so much since I first published my first book. I am thrilled that people loved the Butlins Books, but I know that I can make them better. That is why I am going to relaunch a new look version of the Trilogy next year.
Same thing goes with my radio show, “The Lunchtime Experience,” which I intend to update on a new online radio platform which I hope will attract the interest of other stations.
It may take time, but this is another learning curve. One thing I love to do is broaden my knowledge.
I have not forgotten about the singing – that is also a work in progress.
I do like to keep myself busy.